I liked the section titled "Good manners are not stiff, formal, or awkward." It reminded me of a story I was told of a dinner party at which one of the guests suffered from cerebral palsy. The host seeing that the guest was having trouble with her knife and fork immediately put down her own cutlery and started eating with her hands. Once the guest noticed this she felt she had leave to do the same. The story's a good example of "people over process".
I remember a similar sort of story, though it's probably apocryphal. The Japanese ambassador was dining with Queen Victoria at a very formal dinner. Towards the end of the dinner, the guests were given a small bowl of warm water with which to wash their fingers. The Japanese ambassador, being unaware of what to do with it, drank the contents---a major faux pas. The Queen, seeing this, drank hers as well, and all the guests then did likewise.
In line with these stories, my parents always taught me that good manners are about making your guests (or host) feel comfortable. The rules are not the important bit of manners.
> In line with these stories, my parents always taught me that good manners are about making your guests (or host) feel comfortable. The rules are not the important bit of manners.
This is so funny you should say this because in Germany good old "Knigge" is becoming more popular again but in a way of making yourself feel better about your good manners AND as a foundation to look down on and sneer at others for their clearly inferior manners. So quite the opposite of what you described.
