I know this feeling. It took me eight years from when I entered my PhD program until I handed in my thesis. Three of those years I was away from campus working part-time, but I was still trying to do my thesis during those week.
It sounds like you are putting too much on yourself. If I can say so from reading the post, it also sounds like you have a bad advisor. Research is HARD. It is by it's nature, ambiguous and risky, and it can be very difficult to distinguish "productive failure" from just spinning your wheels. This is what your advisor is here to help you do, and it doesn't sound like he is helping you do that.
I had a similar advisor and while I thought he was nice for not punishing me when another week went by and I hadn't made any progress, he was really just enabling my poor habits. I was always reluctant to switch advisors because I thought I was smart enough to do it on my own, but the sunk-cost fallacy overcame me.
Eventually, though, I did take the leap and switch advisors six years in (when I returned from part-time work). My new advisor was great. We both agreed that my goal was not to set the academic world on fire, but to complete my PhD and with her support I completed a thesis I was proud of.
One final thing: My story is an uncommon one. Virtually everyone else I knew who "took time off" from grad school never completed their PhD. That's ok and I have just as much respect for those who left, because I know how difficult that decision is. It's usually the right one, though.
One strong influence on not coming back if taking time off is, I believe, the comfort one attains from a steady income. You worked only part-time which may have mitigated that influence.
I never made that connection, but I think you're right. Had I been earning double I probably would have adjusted to a non-graduate-student lifestyle and been reluctant to return.
It sounds like you are putting too much on yourself. If I can say so from reading the post, it also sounds like you have a bad advisor. Research is HARD. It is by it's nature, ambiguous and risky, and it can be very difficult to distinguish "productive failure" from just spinning your wheels. This is what your advisor is here to help you do, and it doesn't sound like he is helping you do that.
I had a similar advisor and while I thought he was nice for not punishing me when another week went by and I hadn't made any progress, he was really just enabling my poor habits. I was always reluctant to switch advisors because I thought I was smart enough to do it on my own, but the sunk-cost fallacy overcame me.
Eventually, though, I did take the leap and switch advisors six years in (when I returned from part-time work). My new advisor was great. We both agreed that my goal was not to set the academic world on fire, but to complete my PhD and with her support I completed a thesis I was proud of.
One final thing: My story is an uncommon one. Virtually everyone else I knew who "took time off" from grad school never completed their PhD. That's ok and I have just as much respect for those who left, because I know how difficult that decision is. It's usually the right one, though.