The problem with chatting with a stranger in app is being asynchronous, with varying response times, is that people can be completely different vs in person (hence your first point).
I like to say that anyone can be funny/clever/considerate/thoughtful/etc when you have 30 seconds or longer to come up with a reply. In messaging that’s normal but that kind of latency just doesn’t happen in conversation. Real time conversation in dating and meeting someone is much, much closer to the “real” person than texting via an app. Chatting in app is often closer to their social media persona (if that applies) or some other affectation.
Just showing up to a 30 min date (even if it takes a couple of hours all in) actually saves a lot of time and effort.
I can’t imagine texting/chatting with someone for days at a time only to meet up with them and realize they’re vastly different.
I get that, but for me, if I don't know anything about someone besides a picture or two, I have no desire to block off an hour or two to get to meet them. Chatting instead, that I can always fit into my regular activities, exactly because it is asynchronous. And a lot of the time, even a little bit of chatting will make it clear I don't want to meet up (and/or they don't want to meet up with me!).
Don't get me wrong, I do think in-person conversation is much much better than chatting. If I happen to meet someone that I like while I'm already outside, I'd much rather talk then exchange numbers and chat, of course. But going on blind dates is really not doing it for me.
Do note that I'm not saying I'm right and you're wrong, not at all! I'm just exploring this significant difference in outlook, it's interesting to me how differently people can feel about a subject. It also gives me some insight into other's behavior on dating apps that before I'd just seen as sort of rude or rushed, so I think this is an actually useful conversation.
Everyone has what they’re comfortable with and dating is all anecdotal, personal experience and preference, etc. If you bring data to dating there’s a decent chance that will cross-over into the experience (read: come across as creepy or pathological), lead to more games, etc.
Anyway, texting with a stranger is really hard. A good portion of the time (especially for men, from women) you’ll get things like “I’m bored, entertain me”. Maybe a good way to filter people out, but annoying.
I’d also much rather just block off some time on a schedule to actually meet someone than have them interrupt my life at any moment, react when I don’t respond in X time, etc. Generally it all seems very low effort and sporadic. If you get “going” in a text conversation you can easily spend more time than you would actually meeting them.
Again, maybe these are ways to filter incompatibility but extended and prolonged texting just seems like a waste of time - especially as it often leads absolutely nowhere.
"I like to say that anyone can be funny/clever/considerate/thoughtful/etc when you have 30 seconds or longer to come up with a reply. In messaging that’s normal but that kind of latency just doesn’t happen in conversation. Real time conversation in dating and meeting someone is much, much closer to the “real” person than texting via an app."
Sorry to keep harping on this, but why can't people just talk on the phone?
It has all the real-time advantages you're talking about in your critique of texting, but doesn't require a trip anywhere, any expenses, or the risk of meeting in person with someone you might be able to screen out via a simple phone call.
I like to say that anyone can be funny/clever/considerate/thoughtful/etc when you have 30 seconds or longer to come up with a reply. In messaging that’s normal but that kind of latency just doesn’t happen in conversation. Real time conversation in dating and meeting someone is much, much closer to the “real” person than texting via an app. Chatting in app is often closer to their social media persona (if that applies) or some other affectation.
Just showing up to a 30 min date (even if it takes a couple of hours all in) actually saves a lot of time and effort.
I can’t imagine texting/chatting with someone for days at a time only to meet up with them and realize they’re vastly different.